31 January 2008
Old News via Email Chain...
The reason that I decided to write an entry about this (you may have noticed that I don't write on here very offten any more...) is that it got me thinking about something that is of particular relavence and importance: the thoughs and actions of the average American.
In the link previously mentioned, the author points out that only one of the representatives in the House left the assembly in protest of the prayer. three gave negative speaches regarding it. Given the intensity of the language used in the prayer, I'm actually suprised at the lack of opposition. That's not to say that I don't agree with Minister Wright, I do and I aploud the way in which he presented the truth.
What suprises me is that, with the views so strongly suported by the political media, I have actually thought that most of America would disagree with Minister Wright. So my thoughts drift to the American people.
What do average American people think and what do they do about it?
I think that they think we are going in the wrong direction and I think that they grumble about it to the people that agree with them (read: they do nothing). Maybe I shoud re-write that last sentence, I think that we think we are going in the wrong direction and I think that we grumble about it to the people that agree with us (read: they do nothing).
We do this because we are afraid of making decisions and taking action. We're afraid of opposition and we're afraid of being forced out of our comfortable, sainatary, wrinkle-free lives into the grimmy, nasty road to a better future, because it won't be an easy, "We're headed for a storm. Let's turn this boat around!" There will be massive resistance. Not because a large group of people belive that we are going the right way, but that we have become desensitized to the reprocussions of our own actions. We have become so heavily insulated against reality by our own comfort that we don't have to think about what it costs to live the way we do.
How can you make an entire culture change the way they think?
If I new the answer to that, I wouldn't be writing this on a blog that five people will read in the next two months. But maybe I can plant a seed in five people's minds that will make a little change in the way they live. Six, if I can work a miracle and change myself.
01 December 2007
Nimba Mountain
Last weekend I took a trip to Nimba Mountain with 20 of my mates from the ship. It was a long and exciting venture that had many memorable points. Nimba Mountain (1,752m) is the highest point in Liberia, Guinea, and Cote d Ivoire. The Nimba Mountain region is home to the highest concentration of iron ore in the world and used to account for 1 percent of the total iron production in the world, when the mines were operable before the Liberian Civil War, which spanned nearly two decades.
The Nimba Mountain region is home to many unusual plants and animals due to the collision of the rainforest and savannah climates that mix uniquely in this location. One such animal is a toad that happens to be the only known amphibian to give birth to young that undergo no post-birth metamorphosis. There are also chimpanzees that have been reported to use rocks as tools. While these primates are common on the Nimba range, commonly known as the “Guinea backbone,” none were seen on our trip, as we stayed mainly within the area of the abandoned iron mines and quarry.
We started our trip at the m/v Africa Mercy, the hospital ship that all of the members of the group work on. The Africa Mercy is the largest non-government owned hospital ship in the world and is owned and operated by the Christian non-profit organization, Mercy Ships. The Africa Mercy is docked at the Freeport in Bush Rod Island, Monrovia, Liberia. We took a tro-tro (African van/bus) to Ganta. We stayed the night at Daa Mo’s Guest House ($5 per person, per night. 10 rooms, owned and operated by Amos. He’s got another guest house just down the street, same price.)
NOTE: We rented the tro-tro for 600 USD for Friday-Monday. If you plan ahead, you should be able to get a tro-tro for around 400-500 USD, we had to make emergency plans because our original tro-tro was wrecked the day before. This was expensive, if you do this; it is cheaper and more comfortable to take a taxi, unless you don’t fill all of the seats on the tro-tro. We had a large group and only one of us had been to Ganta before, so we took the tro-tro to stay together.
We left Daa Mo’s the next day in our tro-tro and road to the washed out bridge about half an hour away. We crossed the river via log bridge to argue with some taxi drivers for another half an hour. They eventually gave us a reasonable price and we drove the next hour and a half with four stops; two immigration stops, one UN security checkpoint, one for some fried plantains (25 Liberian Dollars) and provisions for the climb (300 Liberian Dollars).
The last ten minutes of the drive to the mountain was slow because the taxis were in such bad condition and could barely handle the foothills. Once we arrived, we had lunch at the “blue lake.” This lake was formed when the impending civil war caused the mining company to panic and mine as fast as possible. A large wash out on the north side of the quarry was one of the results of their haphazard rush to make as much money as possible.
After we crossed the wash out, we had a nice, flat hike along the old mining paths about a third of the way up the mountain at which point they were disturbed due to natural causes. We stopped here for about half an hour to take in the view and catch our breath. A small group of us decided before the trip that they didn’t want to climb to the summit, so they turned back at this point to take a taxi back to the guest house.
The rest of us began the gruelling climb up the rest of the mountain. About a third of the total climb was scrambling and two thirds was on a path. There was a small vertical section just before the summit that had to be climbed. It was a little hairy, since the base of the cliff was not very flat or wide. Falling would have resulted in a tumble down at least 20 meters.
We made camp on the top of the mountain. I carried a 20 kilo tarpaulin in my pack for shelter. Carlos brought a tent for four people. We had a dinner of ramen noodles cooked over a Pepsi/Guinness can stove with Heet for fuel. After dinner, we got a nice thunder storm show, which Victor was kind enough to take some pictures of. The stars were also out in full force, with the exception of the occasional passing cloud interrupting the view.
The next morning, we had a brief rain storm which we weathered in the tarpaulin. We broke camp around 8:30 am and began our decent. At 11:00 am, we were met at the quarry by a security guard for Mittal Steel (the company owning the land we were on). He just wanted to make sure that we were all safe. Sometimes the locals in Liberia will try to pretend to be protecting you from some danger, existent or make-believe, in order to get some cash from you. I’m not so sure that this guy wasn’t trying that.
I talked to him for a while, since our taxi did not arrive for an hour or so. He had worked at the mine before the war, and fled to Guinea when the rebels arrived. He also told me that there were lions in the area. I was, and continue to be, highly sceptical of that remark. Maybe he meant mountain lions…
We took taxis back to the wash out, took our tro-tro back to Daa Mo’s to settle up with Amos. After paying Amos for the accommodations, we went to dinner in town (about 2 USD) and started the seven hour ride back to Monrovia. We stopped on the way to and from Ganta in a town called Kakata. It was a nice place to stop. If you are into diamond mining, you can find plenty of people around that know some titbits that you may find interesting. The same is true for a lot of Liberia, particularly near the borders…
The whole trip cost around 70 USD per person. Not a bad deal for a great West African experience.
18 October 2007
Technical Difficulties
I have been trying to post this great blog I wrote about a trip I took two weeks ago for the past two weeks. Unfortunately, I can't seem to upload pictures onto Blogger. Once this excessively irritating issue is resolved, I will put up a nice post about mountain climbing in Liberia... Until then I will continue to exercise patience and self-control.
09 October 2007
Postseason 2007
Versus
On a local note, there is a four day weekend coming my way, courtesy of the ship's management team. I don't know why, but I'm going to utilize it to visit Nimba Mountain. I'd miss a series game for that, no questions asked.
26 September 2007
A Better View
This is where I went swimming last week. It is an abandoned iron quarry known as Bong Mine. A group of five or six people from the hospital ship I work on took a train ride from Monrovia to Bong County, where this quarry is located. It was really fun, with the exception of one of my mates getting her camera stolen... 20 September 2007
Resolve and Dr. T F Chen
"I need to post more often so that this blog isn't a total waste."
I'm taking a stand. Viva a la revolution!! I'm shooting for a post a day regarding what I'm thinking about, which will prove to be quite an eclectic collection of science, religion, culture, and procrastination in the form of over-organizing everything.
The first of many to come:
Gawker Artist, Dr. T F Chen.
Category: Culture
After reading Francis Schaeffer's The God Who is There, I have found modern art and culture far more interesting. I used to enjoy nice looking art, but rarely took a liking to the edgier stuff. With Schaeffer's perspective of what artist's like Van Gogh and Picasso were thinking and what this logical implications of the views they were expressing were, I have found a new desire to understand their perspective so that I can help people find what they are looking for.
Back to Doc Chen, the guy makes some really neat art. I like it. I like it for two reasons: A. It is aesthetically pleasing. B. It is designed to communicate something meaningful. While I don't necessarily agree with the conclusions that Dr. Chen makes, or the solutions he is suggesting, I feel the need that he is addressing. He has established a philosophy that is very interesting, though I haven't found it to be complete. I think he makes a good step towards truth in his "Five Dimensional Cultural Philosophy."
However, from a few minutes of googling to find out about his religious stance, I uncovered a discrete association of Dr. Chen and the Unification Church, which has some rather erroneous doctrine about Zachariah (John the Baptist's father) being the biological father of Jesus (making Jesus an illegitimate child). While this religious organization is concerned with the idea of love, I'm afraid that they're leadership is not in touch with reality, or truth for that matter.
While I hold love to be supremely valuable, I also value the truth. Both can (actually, they must) coexist within the same worldview. I do understand why Chen would be drawn to such a group, as they have an overarching desire to accept and tolerate people from various cultures.
ahh, I better stop here or I won't be able to sleep! I'll save it for another post.
12 September 2007
Relevant vs. Relative
So the whole parachurch thing, I don't know how I feel about it. I can see the need, and the benefit they have, but I also understand the feeling that some of these organizations take away from the role of the local church. On the whole, I think they are a good thing that should work in conjunction to local churches in a way that allows the church to take ownership of the program that the parachurch is promoting/doing. This would make parachurches something that sharpened as iron sharpens iron the local church, which, at times, seems rather dull these days.
The Emergent church movement. I've read some particularly malicious things about this. Which leads me to believe that there is probably something God wants us to learn from this movement. I've read a few books by authors that get grouped within this group (some by association to the movement, some by similarity of thought). While I'm not so keen on throwing out some of the aspects of the modern church in favor of a church adept to ministering in the postmodern world, I do think that the movement has some ideas that are on target.
One such idea is a redefinition (maybe re-terming is more appropriate) of the "saved" or "born again" label. I would identify myself as both saved and born again to the "Christian-ese" speaker, but to postmodern "outsiders" I would be careful to make sure that the terms mean the same thing to both of us.
This is an example of a bigger problem with modern Christianity. We have isolated ourselves in a sub-culture. There are wonderful aspects to this sub-culture, but the bottom line is that it cripples our effectiveness because we don't know how to operate outside of it. One of the ways that we are particularly unable to operate outside of our Christian sub-culture is communication. Particularly in a spiritual context. Going back to the example: [conversation to you, a fellow Christian] I say "saved" you think "follows the teachings of Jesus, therefore going to heaven." [conversation with a postmodern non-Christian] I say, "saved" he thinks "judgemental, exclusive, and self righteous."
So what if we re-term our speech? Will that make us un-biblical? To abandon terms coined by people that lived in the past 200-300 years? Sounds to me like that's the same sort of thinking that people had after reading Martin Luther's 95 theses, or some people have in regards to using something other than the King James Version.
Really, what I'm starting to think is that the reactionary modern church might be the ones doing the real damage. Sure, they talk about sin being evil and bad, bad, bad for you. But does all of this talk make them less of sinners? I'm seeing a lot of reflections of the Pharisees in this sort of thinking. Will telling people that sin is bad really help them not sin, or will it make them sin more by hiding or not admitting their sin. You can't hide a wound and expect it to heal itself, it will only get infected. Why would we think that communicating to people that having a spiritual wound is unacceptable would cause them to bring it out in the open where they can get it treated? I think it will convince them of this:
"Even though this spiritual wound hurts, and might be killing me, I can't afford to let others see it and risk the rejection. I'll hide it and try to suture it myself. Instead of going where I can get antibiotics (since it might cost me the shallow and ineffective fellowship that I get), I'll pour my own household cleaners and chemicals on it to try to kill the infection. Maybe that will work."
I'm actually impressed with how well we do suture ourselves, or at least keep the old scars covered, but wouldn't it be better if we could make each other feel like we were a safe group to get help from? This is what I propose we do: start being like Jesus. Not the Jesus that would never swear or have a negative thought (although we should strive for that), but the Jesus that loves people that need it. Remember this line, "It's not the healthy that need a physician..."? We are the doctors. Do we know how to triage patients, because I think we live in an emergency room full of deathly ill people that need doctors, and they need them now. Should we be treating headaches, bellyaches, and sore throats or internal bleeding, broken bones, cancer, removing cataracts, and building prosthetics. How is our bedside manner with the patients that might want to walk out of our clinic, carrying their own severed limb, compared to the ones that come back every Sunday? Maybe we should love a little differently than we do.
But I said I was going to write about the difference between relevant and relative. The difference is this, if the Gospel (which is "the kingdom of God is at hand") isn't relevant, then it isn't going to make sense. You have to make the words fit the context. Relevant is when what you say out loud produces a picture in the other-half-of-the-conversation's mind that is at least similar to the one in your own. Relative is when you marginalize the truth for the sake of making that picture acceptable in someone else's mind. HUGE DIFFERENCE! The gospel isn't "be a good person and go to heaven", but it's also not "just say Jesus, I'm a sinner, and You're the way to heaven, and I believe in You." It's "Jesus is real. He is showing you how to live today, right now, right here, a hora. He's not teaching you the best way to get what you want. Follow His example, which is in accordance with the way He made you to work, and guess what? You will work! and at the end of it, you get to enjoy life with Him just like He intended!!!"
The thing is, you can't really say that and it make sense to a person if you live like most Christians live. Why? Because they don't see how Christians are like Jesus. They see Christians like televangelists or as an exclusive club that doesn't even have any benefits until after you die. It's less appealing than saving for retirement is to the average college senior!!!
I think it's time that we started taking righteousness seriously and pursuing it rather than the imitation of it. I think it's time that we started taking evangelism seriously and meeting people where they are instead of letting them be in our club if they ask nicely. I think it's time that we started taking love seriously and not just reciprocating it when we feel obligated. I think it's time that we started taking Jesus seriously. The kingdom of God is at hand, remember?
01 September 2007
Cheshire Home for the Handicapped
The people living at the Cheshire Home are severely handicapped. Half of them don't have the capacity to use the toilet, only two of them can walk, several of them cannot communicate in any evident manner at all, this includes hitting things.
It may seem strange that I would say that I enjoyed visiting people that have such a difficult time interacting with other people. It wasn't, it was one of the most natural experiences I've had working with the Liberian people. I think it's because they don't talk about the war all of the time. They might remember the war, and how bad things were then, but I think that they have such a hard time with life as it is, that the war isn't their excuse for how hard life is. They just know that life is hard.
Really, it almost makes me feel dirty for how little I appreciate what I've got. How about you?
11 August 2007
Ending months of silence to say...
A lot of people in Liberia get their livelihood from the sea by way of fishing. Most people fish out of canoes such as this one.
04 June 2007
x plus y equals...
25 May 2007
Rise Above
Two simple words, a whole new world.
Rise above.
I have taken to telling myself, "rise above," every time that I become overwhelmed by work or my suspicion that Mercy Ships' has a PR obsession and I cannot explain in words how effective and LIFE CHANGING the action has become. I'm a huge advocate of saying "rise above," at any and every opportunity currently, solely for it's uplifting qualities.
I never really bought into the whole changing your perspective on your circumstances thing, but I've got to say, that's exactly what I've done and it's made a world of difference. Dang it, I totally just lost my train of though because I looked to my right and saw the most amazingly beautiful girl I've ever met. Where was I?
Rise above.
That's right. Seriously, I'm trying to get it to be the official, un-official motto of the Africa Mercy. I hope it catches on. I've been drilling it into my people at work, they're actually catching onto it, if only in a sarcastic way, it's still on their minds. I think you should give it a try; rise above your circumstances and see the world around you for what it really is, see it through God's eyes.
24 May 2007
Liberia, Sunsets, and Extravagant Love
I'd like to take a moment to just reflect on how faithful God is. Isn't it amazing how He will stick with us? God has taught me in the recent events that He wants me to be like that too. He wants all of us to be like that. When will I learn to stick by people regardless of the things that they do or say? Hopefully I'm learning that now. I hope you get that blessing through some event in your life soon as well.
I feel like I've learned a lot of perspective as well. I was sitting out on deck eight of the ship (the top weather deck) a few nights back when I wasn't all too happy with the current events around me, and looking out at the sea, that ever-constant reminder of my smallness and helplessness, I remembered just how much God cared for me. For you. For all of us. It's an amazing thing that He would be so faithful to care how I am making it, even though I'm simply one man, on one ship, on one ocean. How ridiculous, when you think about it, is the extravagance of His love for us! Why, of all things, would the Maker and Creator of all things be interested in my daily survival, much less how content I am with my circumstances? Incredible. Extraordinary. Scandalous! Honestly, the way that God loves us is so utterly, extravagantly vain... Think of a sunset. First, just think of it as you see it. Completely beautiful, yet only lasting for a few moments. Now, think of the incredible amount of energy and power that is in a sunset. It's amazing! The sun, a huge burning ball of gas, tons of miles away, shining at just the right angle through just the right amount of ozone, particulate matter, water vapor... and the result, sheer beauty. Now, think of this, the whole thing lasts only a few moments, but it continues on, around the world continuously, gracing all of creation with an ever-changing display of extravagantly beautiful visual love letter written across the biggest thing we could ever hope to see in this life-time. WOW. What extravagance!
16 May 2007
Ships and Ferries
The sail from Rotterdam to the Canary Islands is over and the Africa Mercy is in one piece, barely. Things proved by this trip (I was already aware of these things, but I'm only a little indian, and I came around a little to late to influence any decissions...):
1. This ship is a ferry.
2. Ferries are made for coastal operation.
3. Ships sail the high seas.
4. Ferries do NOT sail the high seas.
We had to cross the Bay of Biscay, a notoriously rough section of sea just south-east of the English Channel on the edge of the Atlantic Ocean. When we did, we were very fortunate to encounter only moderate weather, and the ship actually handled a bit better than I had expected. However, most of the offices were totally wrecked, two tables bolted to the deck in the mess room broke free, and about 2/3 of the crew weren't seen for a few days. I can only assume that it was because they were white-knuckling the porcelin rim. But we're here, and I seriously doubt that this ferry will ever go above 40 degrees north again (well I doubt that it should. It probably will, due to the absolute vitality of public relations...)
Tenerife has been great, eating outside, climbing small mountains that over look oceans and small villages and the ship... I could probably live here. My Spanish would definately get a lot better. To my supprise, it is pretty good already. I haven't had much trouble at all finding things, getting what I want for a meal, getting directions. We're leaving here tomorrow and that's okay with me because I am ready to get to Africa. I'm looking forward to it a lot. There is a lot of work for me on the ship, but when (or should I say if...) things quite down onboard, I hope to get to spend a fair amount of time ashore working with locals. I think it would be great to get to work with community development services and with the outreach department. Dig some wells, talk to people about Jesus... that just sounds right up my alley. I've got about six months left before I come back to the states, I think that I've settled on a job, but I'm not going to let everyone know what it is yet, because I'm not totally sure. I've been discussing it with a few people onboard, and I think that I'm making the right move.
Well, its 1457, I'm going to do something else for a half hour before watch.
See ya.
07 May 2007
Crazy Dutchies...
FYI, I'm not anti-Dutchy now or anything, I just wonder how that many violent people got in one place...
07 April 2007
A Sorrowful Loss
1.Visit California
2. Visit the San Diego Zoo
3. Qualify as a Navy sharpshooter
4. Jump from an airplane at 13,500 feet
5. Surf a lot
oh, yeah and...
7. LOOSE MY RED SOX HAT.
All of the cool things I've done in the past couple of weeks have been overshadowed by the loss of my beloved Red Sox hat. I feel powerless to fight the Evil Empire (i.e. Yankees) without it. The worst part is I can't seem to replace it anywhere. The whole time I was in California, I looked for one, but I could only find totally unacceptable "one size fits all" versions. These are for lesser fans, I need the faded cotton fitted one with big "B" in the front and the two red socks in the back. The haunting part of this loss is that I know exactly where I lost it. In theatre 6 of the East Bolden Cinema, just after the 9:42 showing of Hot Fuzz (which wasn't nearly as funny as Shaun of the Dead). I've been trying online to get a new one, but I can't get one shipped to England, much less to the ship. So if any one that happens to read this and pities me for my loss, you can send me a hat from lids (size L) to:
Justin Ray
Mercy Ships Africa Mercy
c/o: Port of Bylth
Wimbourne Quay
Northumberland NE29 3PB UK
Come on, you know you don't like the Yankees.
14 March 2007
Esc key vs. F1 key
In AutoCAD, you have to use the escape key to deselect stuff, and as any savvy computer user knows, the F1 key is right next to the escape key. What not every computer user knows is that the F1 key is the designated "help" shortcut. I use the escape key a lot, and it's really close to the F1 key, and sometimes I hit the F1 key by mistake.
This wouldn't bother me if it was just a little window that popped up really quick and I could close it immediately, but AutoCAD is a really big, powerful, dangerous program and has an enormous help directory. So enormous that it takes several minutes to load.
I probably hit the F1 key by accident three to five times a day. If it takes an average of three minutes to load this, I loose nine to fifteen minutes of my time each day to closing the stupid help menu. During the course of a work week that's forty-five to seventy-five minutes of lost time.
I wouldn't mind if it was lost time checking blogs or reading about Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton and their outlandish presidential campaigns. (I have nothing against having a black president or a woman president, I just want a MODERATE president. No more political extremists!!!)
Back to the F1 key. I learned a time saving trick this morning. If I just minimize the help window, it pops up immediately instead of loading for several minutes. So I have a temporary fix until AutoDesk sends me an updated copy of AutoCAD with my new, super-awesome upgrade of having the help key on a delay requiring it to be held down for 3 seconds before loading!!!
10 March 2007
Snoitulos Drawkcab (Backward Solutions)

05 March 2007
So, what's your plan to save Africa?
A lot of people are really bashing the idea. I don't particularly think it's awesome, but I do like some things about it:
1. Bono. He just rocks at life.
2. Red is a good color.
3. It DOES help some people in Africa
4. It has long term potential
The only thing I don't really like about it is that feeds off of the Western Culture's consumerism. I don't really like anything about consumerism, but I do like healthy economics. If you think of economics using the metaphor of the human body, you'll understand what I'm getting at.
Starving people have little body fat, and very hungry people's bodies use what they eat vastly more efficiently than most tubby Houstonians. I'm pretty close to the middle of that, I take in quite a bit more than the recommended 2000 calories each day (5000 calories/day), but I burn a whole heck of a lot more than most people. I also have about 8% body fat. I'm a really healthy guy (mostly due to God's blessing, but also due to a healthy amount of exercise, etc.). If my body were an economic situation, I would have high cash flow, and relatively low savings (by American and Western standards). This is a very healthy economy. Most healthy people eat their 2000 calories (maybe a bit more or less) and have a fair bit more "savings." (15-25% body fat sound fair?) These people are still very healthy. They might not be in the best situation, but they are in no danger at all, actually they are a little safer than I am. If they were economies, they would be Western economies.
What I'm saying is that consumerism isn't the healthiest of American economic attributes, but it does the trick. I eat a lot, but I burn a lot. Donald Trump makes a lot, so he spends a lot. I burn more of what I eat than Donnie spends of what he makes, but that's why he's fatter than I am.
So back to Bono, his [RED] Campaign feeds off of Donnie's fat. I think that's great, he's making our economics better. It might not be the most effective of methods for fighting AIDS (some may liken it to feeding the poor with table scraps, but hey, we've got a whole crapload of table scraps!), but it is progress. And progress is what these people need.
On to buylesscrap.org. I think that this is going to be a much more efficient effort. But not more effective. If everyone would do it, great. It would be a solid way of fighting the problem of wealth distribution. The thing is, we Westerners don't want to give our wealth to the Africans, we want everyone else to do it.
I love both organizations and I am so happy that they exist and that the founders have created them from their desire to help those less fortunate than themselves. I work for an organization very similar to each of them, with some differences that I'll discuss next post. The thing is, they don't really address the root of the problem. Africa is not a problem for the West to come in and fix. Africa is a home for millions of people. You wouldn't be too happy if someone came in when you were having money problems and took what you had and treated you like a child. Africa is a lot of people with some very serious problems with very complicated causes. Wouldn't it make sense that the solution was equally complicated? We should help Africans fix Africa, not try to fix Africa for them.
02 March 2007
Happy Friday
27 February 2007
Silly people with their silly emails...
Since you are sailing at this particular time you should state it ashore.
Best Regards,
MARAD GRADUATE"
What??? If I'm sailing, how am I ashore? Don't ships float, in the water? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.
Or maybe it's just that I'm dealing with the WORST GOVERNMENT AGENCY EVER.
I've got to prove to these crazies that I worked in the maritime industry during 2006. I hope they believe me, because if they don't, I get to be active duty or pay the Maritime Administration some where in the neighborhood of 180,000 dollars. Like I've got 180,000 dollars. I haven't gotten a paycheck since mid 2005.
Sorry about the rant. I think that is was just a tyop... I mean, typo. I hate those.